If you have ever filled out a questionnaire, chances are you have seen some variation of the “if you could pick anybody, who would you have dinner with” question. Well, this isn’t a questionnaire, but if you see one with the specific requirement of choosing a hero to have at your 4th of July barbecue rage-a-thon, then hopefully this article will help you to make your selection.
Invite: Jubilee
Your power will finally be useful.
First off, I feel like inviting Jubilee to anything would pretty much guarantee her presence. She isn’t exactly the most popular of characters, so she’d jump on any chance for social interaction. The real reason for her presence isn’t her borderline tolerable personality, or hip clothes. It is the fact that her mutant ability is pretty much creating fireworks. Wait until it gets dark and then watch her put a show on. I was going to go with Dazzler for the light show since she has the added benefit of being a musician and turning sound into light, but let’s face it, she’s going to be off with some roguishly handsome fella, not at your BBQ.
Avoid: Captain America
Captain America has probably never shotgunned a beer.
I know, avoiding Captain America on the 4th of July seems counter intuitive. Just think about it this way: You like to celebrate your freedom by getting intoxicated and messing around with explosives. Cap is from the 1940′s which automatically makes him a wet blanket. You don’t need him pestering you with things like firework safety and lectures on what the 4th of July really means to the country while you’re trying to shotgun a Budweiser with the American flag printed on the can.
Invite: Deadpool
Fireworks safety means nothing to this man.
It’s always good to have that one wacky guy at your party. Deadpool will ensure that there is never a lull where your guests stand around awkwardly and keep glancing at their watches. The best part is he will most definitely bring enough explosive materials to make sure that Jubilee’s firework show has one hell of a finale. As a side note, you probably shouldn’t be having this party at your own house.
Avoid: Wolverine
Far too Canadian and moody for this party.
Come on, guys, he’s Canadian. He doesn’t really care about how awesome America is. Plus he is a pretty surly guy. You don’t need him moping around being all anti-social cause he can’t remember his past and always hurts the ones he loves, yadda, yadda, yadda. That kind of guy is known as a buzz kill, and there is no room for that your 4th of July BBQ.
Invite: Flash
Now known as the Human Hoover.
Flash is another great guy to have at a party, as his quick wit is sure to help keep your guests entertained. That’s not the main reason to invite him, though. With all these superheroes in one place, you know a brawl is gonna go down at some point with M.O.D.O.K. or Red Skull being upset that being evil meant they didn’t get invitations. Even if they don’t show up, Deadpool is going to make sure there is a mess that needs cleaning up. You don’t want to spend hours trying to rebuild the several buildings that happened to be in Deadpool’s firework radius, so let Flash handle it. It’ll take him three seconds, tops.
Avoid: Superman
You smug bastard.
Nobody likes a one-upper, and it will be impossible for your guests to see Superman as anything else. Here’s how it will go down. Superman will show up acting all high and mighty, preaching about the civil liberties that America truly special. Since he arrived late, he’s kind of arrogant like that, your other guests will have been drinking for a while, and somebody will call him an alien. An illegal alien. Superman will then show off how he has every super power in the world to demonstrate that he is the best American alien ever, and everyone else will feel insecure about the fact they can only make little flashes of light and start making up excuses to leave early. Most importantly, you already have plenty of dudes at this BBQ.
Invite: Every Female Superhero
Especially Power Girl.
Let’s face it, pretty much every lady superhero looks like Heidi Klum. You’d even settle for the green one that bench presses aircraft carriers, just don’t invite her cousin. If you invite them all, at least a couple of them are bound to show up. Maybe one of them will even thank you for hosting such an awesome 4th of July BBQ and ask to be your sidekick. Of course at this point this hypothetical lady is mistaking you for Flash, but don’t sweat it. It’s pretty much your only hope to be noticed by these superheroines.
Avoid: Any More Guys
Yes, even Aquaman is likely to be more appealing to ladies than you.
You already have enough chiseled men showing off their perfect Ryan Reynolds abs at your BBQ, do you really need any more competition for Power Girl?
