Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance hits theaters tomorrow. Easily the least anticipated superhero movie of the year, I decided the only way to determine whether or not to see the movie was with a good old fashioned pro and cons list.
Pro: Idris Elba and the Highlander Are In It
If you’ve seen Thor, The Wire, or Luther, you should know that Idris Elba is an undisputed badass. This guy’s steely gaze makes me feel inadequate as a man and as a human being. Every movie he stars in immediately becomes twice as watchable. Not to mention, Christopher Lambert is in it. That’s right, the god damn Highlander.
Con: Nick Cage Needs Professional Help
Remember when everyone was so excited about Nick Cage coming back to play Ghost Rider? Me neither. You may or may not know that Nick Cage is an Academy Award winning actor, and has delivered some wonderful performances throughout a memorable career. He also starred in The Wicker Man. The internet has already done a great job of insulting the man, so I’ll just leave you with this. Beware the foul language and general insanity.
Pro: Mentally Unhinged Directors
Ghost Rider is a…less than realistic hero. He’s such an extreme character, anything other than excessive violence is just a waste of my time. Exploring the nature of humanity feels kind of ridiculous when your protagonist has a flaming skull and motorcycle. Luckily, directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor excel in this sort of batshittery. Look no further than Crank to see how far removed from reality these guys are. Sounds like a decent fit.
Con: Ghost Rider 1 Is the Worst Comic Book Movie Ever Made
In the long years between the original Spider-Man and Iron Man, Marvel produced some pretty terrible movies. Two of which were directed by Mark Steven Johnson. One is Daredevil, the other Ghost Rider. With the hellishly terrible Blackheart as the villain and a cliché script, the movie was just terrible. I like the idea of giving things second chances, but Ghost Rider was too terrible to be forgotten.
Result: Stay the Hell Away
Sure, I haven’t seen the movie. Technically, yes it is unfair for me to judge this movie purely on hearsay. But you know what? I will anyway. The trailers were forgettable at best, and everything from the low budget to Nick Cage’s presence screams train wreck. Save that money so you can buy an extra ticket for the Avengers.